Friends

However to one specific fanbrat, if your going to write a scriptfic, try not to at the very least have your first chapter so blatantly rip off your fandom's pilot/first episode. There were only major changes were the names of the characters, very little of the situations and the, ahem, face, of one of the main characters!

If you are going to write a story, scriptfic or prose, why blantantly rip of an episode like that?

mood:

aggravated

The random "Oh gosh" mentions keep throwing me out of the fic. I really love it. (And I seriously think Sam in labor is going to be screaming something worse than "Oh gosh". Especially since he's been in labor for ten hours.)

Next time, please don't place your beliefs on the characters.

And it's such a good fic otherwise.

Character bashing so that a canon relationship will break up and your OTP can get it on? Lazy writing, and not cool.

Using gendered insults for aforementioned character bashing? Especially if character doing said bashing would not be the type to call his ex-partner "bitch" or "cunt" or "scabby whore"? REALLY not cool.

LITERALLY bashing the character after the breakup? Regardless of whether it's "just a slap" or blows enough to bruise or cause bleeding, INCREDIBLY UNCOOL.

And having everyone else in the fic be all blase about violence because "she was a bitch and no one liked her anyway"? The freezer is broken, the AC is busted, there's a heatwave upon us: SO, SO, SO NOT COOL.

The honorific "chan" is not just a generic term of endearment. It is not Japanese for "girlfriend", nor is it synonymous with "uke". Contrariwise, "kun" is not reserved strictly for your boyfriend or your seme. If two people who have always been comfortable enough with each other to call each other by their first names with no honorific start to date, they are not automatically going to default to calling each other "Whatever-chan" and "Whatever-kun" as soon as they confess their love for each other. Especially if they're people whose first language isn't Japanese or who otherwise don't favor using honorifics on anyone to begin with.

This message brought to you by a scene where Juudai and Asuka confess their feelings to each other and then have a moment where they call each other "Juudai-kun" and "Asuka-chan" for the first time and remark on how good it sounds, and by the umpty-zillion fics where Juudai and Johan are for some reason calling each other "Jo-kun" and "Juu-chan." Ugh.

*If you are not in an anime fandom and have this problem anyway, you have my sympathies.

1) Draco Malfoy does not have green eyes. No, seriously. He doesn't. Not even in the movies.

2) Harry and Ron have been best mates since they were eleven. That makes, in your fic's timeline, around fifteen years. I don't care if you happen to hate Ron, he's still not going to turn into a complete arse and desert Harry because Harry comes out of the closet in a non-homophobic wizarding world. Ron might be a bit awkward and uncomfortable, but he's not going to start talking shit about Harry to everybody who'll listen and forbid him to come to the Burrow - especially since the first half of your fic was spent emphasizing the strength of their friendship.

mood:

confused

Willow would never, ever refer to Xander as 'The Cyclops', Buffy as 'The Blond One', or Giles as 'The Old Brit.'

I don't give a crap, if Willow's angry at Buffy for asking her to perform the spell to activate all the Slayers. I don't even give a crap if you think Willow's 'pet names' are justifiable... Guess what? They're not.

And, if I have to read about how 'perfect' Kenn-Kenn is, one more time, I'm going to hunt you down, and punch you in the throat.

No love,
The Bitchy Beta who's just red-penned EVERYTHING...

mood:	aggravated
tunes:	Sober / P!nk

Congratulations. You've forced me to de-lurk and actually post something here.
1. First of all, thanks for writing incest with no warning. All you said was 'a little piece of fluff between Jake and Alan' which made me think of a sweet father-son fic.
2. Charlie won't be happy at a Jake/Alan pairing. He might be freaked out, but not happy.
3. Jake will not say 'Come for me, Dad' or 'You make me so hot for love.' In fact, he would rather be a rocket scientist than say that.
4. They will not be feeding strawberries to each other post-coital. Not happening.

Thank you for screwing up one of my most loved and favorite shows.

No love,

Me.

Dear Author,

First off, your fic violates ff.net rules. No, it's not a classic-style songfic (song verses interspersed with drabbly narrative) but it contains the entire lyrics of a song anyway. Also, the fact that it took up most of the middle of your fic with little interruption made that section quite boring to read, especially due to the repeating chorus. Which was a shame, because the beginning and end weren't bad at all.

And even though Jesse McCartney wrote and eventually sang "Bleeding Love" and you love his version, that doesn't mean you have to make Roxas sing it. I don't know Kingdom Hearts very well, but I'm not sure he'd be into that.

Still some love, Souji


More random annoyances:
When you've called Lithuania 'the brunette', the 'Baltic Nation', the 'Lithuanian', and 'the smaller man' all within the first four sentences of your fic, you should probably tone down on the epithets.

It irks me when people justify their fics to the center. In my opinion, that's just for posters and poetry, but YMMV. What's less YMMV is when someone puts their entire fic in bold. Now why on earth would you do that? It doesn't emphasize anything, just hurts people's eyes!

mood:

apathetic

things wrong with this A/N:
1) You apologized for being late earlier, when you have HAD chapter [X] ready. You said yourself that you didn't have a beta (so that wasn't it). You honestly just wanted to be a review-whore and hope that people respond to your rudeness. 2) You use faster twice in one sentence. 3) Your -winks-, -smiles- and Xp usage makes me want to hurt a puppy. 4) Um, people may have slowed down reviewing because you, I don't know, stopped updating. 5) YOU HAVE TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS ON A [insert adjective here] STORY. BE GRATEFUL.